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About Semey

Erotic-massage ain’t all sexy, precious. It’s work, hard work—kneading, pressing, all that. Me tried it once, rubbed me own back—nearly broke me spine! Stupid, fat hobbit’d be useless at it, too soft! But when it’s good, ooooh, it’s like floating—tension gone, poof! Best bit? When they crack me neck—pop-pop-pop! Surprised me first time, thought I’d died and gone to Mordor!

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But then, I see this old man sitting on a bench, looking all grumpy. I’m thinking, “What’s his deal?” So, I go up to him and ask. Turns out, he’s just mad because his favorite bench is taken. I mean, come on! It’s a bench, not a throne! I tell him, “Dude, just sit somewhere else!” He gives me this look like I just insulted his mother. I can’t even.

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