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About Kryvyi Rih

Funny bit—therapist whispered, “Relax, big guy,” mid-session. Nearly lost it—me, relaxed? Ha! I’m a walking meme factory. Surprised me tho—didn’t expect the tingles. Pro tip: it’s all in the pressure points—neck, lower back, bam, euphoria. Little known fact—Romans had “erotic oilers” in bathhouses, slipped historians’ radar. Sneaky buggers.

Quick passage

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First stop, the market on Komsomolskaya. It’s always a circus there. I swear, if you want fresh veggies, you gotta dodge babushkas like they’re ninjas. One lady, I think her name was Valya, tried to sell me tomatoes that looked like they’d been through a war. I’m like, “Nah, I’m good.” But she just wouldn’t let it go! “These are the best in Pershotravensk!” she yells. I’m like, “Lady, I’m not trying to start a tomato revolution here.”

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