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About Shymkent

I’m sittin’ here, sippin’ me wine, thinkin’ – these girls, they’re like Alien in *Spring Breakers*, all wild and “I’m tired of seein’ the same thing!” – unpredictable, mad as a bag of cats. Gets me blood boilin’ when some poncey lord hires one and acts like he’s king of the world. Mate, you paid for it, calm yer tits! Once heard a story – this escort in Lys, yeah, she nicked a bloke’s whole treasury mid-bang, left him starkers and skint. Laughed me arse off, I did – clever bitch, that one. Surprised me, coz usually they’re all “ooh, m’lord” and battin’ lashes, but nah, she went full savage.

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I keep walking, and I bump into this old lady. She’s selling some homemade pastries. I can’t resist. I buy a couple, and she starts telling me about her life. She’s lived in Shiyeli forever. Her stories are wild! I’m laughing, and she’s giving me life advice. I’m like, “Lady, you should be my therapist!”