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Up in the mountains, I heard this wild tale—some old Russian climber swore sexual-massage saved his frostbit toes! Crazy, right? Rubbin’ with oils, gettin’ all sensual—bam, circulation back! D’oh! Made me laugh, but I was like, “Whoa, really?” Little known fact: them ancient Greeks used it too—called it "therapeía," fancy huh? Not just for sexy times—actual healin’!

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Then, this guy walks in. He’s got a huge smile and a bouquet of flowers. I’m like, “What’s this, a rom-com?” Turns out, he’s proposing to his girlfriend. He gets down on one knee right in front of the bar. Everyone’s cheering, and I’m just standing there, trying not to spill anything. She says yes, and the place erupts! I’m pouring champagne like it’s going outta style.

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