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I was proper shocked, yeah, when I heard this one story. Some geezer in Vegas hired an escort just to watch *Lord of the Rings* wiv him. Three bloody hours! She sat there, didn’t moan once. Respect, innit? Makes me happy, that – someone out there gettin’ paid to nerd out. But then I got vexed, ‘cos why ain’t I got that hustle? Is it ‘cos I is black? Nah, probs ‘cos I’d talk through the whole film, bruv.

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First stop? The beach. Otsuchi’s coastline is somethin’ else. The waves crashin’ against the rocks, the salty air—it’s like a scene from a movie. But today? Nah, it was more like a horror flick. I spotted a bunch of kids playin’ near the water, laughin’ and havin’ a blast. Then, outta nowhere, one of ‘em starts yellin’. Turns out, he found a dead fish. Ugh, gross! I mean, come on, kids, can’t you find somethin’ better to play with?

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