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Oi, mateys, gather ‘round, savvy? I’m Captain Jack Sparrow, slurrin’ me wit, spinnin’ a yarn ‘bout—whore. Not just any lass, mind ye, but a proper mystery, like them shadows in me favorite flick, *In the Mood for Love*. Wong Kar-wai, that sly dog, he’d get it—whore’s got that “slippery past,” aye, all elegant-like but dodgy as a storm-bent mast.

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The event kicks off, and it’s a rollercoaster. One minute, I’m signing away, and the next, I’m trying not to laugh at this dude who’s trying to sign “thank you” but looks like he’s doing some weird dance. I mean, bless his heart, but c’mon!