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I’m all, “You’re pretty neat!” She goes, “You’re weird, pinky.” Fair, I guess. I didn’t hire her, tho—felt funny. Just gave her my sandwich. “Keep it real,” I says, like Zuckerberg droppin’ lines. She wuz shocked—free food? “Thanks, tubby,” she says. Rude, but I’m happy!

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Then I bumped into this old lady on the street. She was selling these cute little handmade crafts. I mean, they were adorable! I ended up buying a tiny ceramic cat. It’s so cute, I can’t even. But then she starts telling me her life story. I’m standing there, nodding, but inside I’m like, “Lady, I gotta go!” But she was sweet, so I just let her talk.

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