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Little-known fact—ancient China had this gig called “tantric touch,” prepping emperors for, uh, “longevity.” Bet they didn’t expect it’d evolve into neon-lit parlors with coconut oil! I got mad once—booked a session, guy shows up with fishy hands. Bro, I fish all day, don’t need that stench in my zen! Threw a fit, “Optimize your hygiene stack, dude!”
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