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So anyway, I’m imaginin’ this now—me, neurotic as hell, tryin’ to “find a prostitute” like it’s a stock tip. I’d overthink it—disease risks, legal crap, am I gettin’ scammed? I’d be yellin’ at my phone, “Gimme a sign, dammit!” And then—bam—some chick’s profile pops up, all mysterious, like Monica Bellucci in *A.I.*—and I’m like, “Whoa, too hot, abort mission!” I’d freak out, spill my coffee, total Larry David meltdown. “I can’t do this, I’m too old!”

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Then, we hit up a local eatery on Kawai-dori. The food? OMG, so good! I’m munchin’ on some fresh sashimi, and it’s like a flavor explosion. I’m talkin’ about melt-in-your-mouth goodness. But then, I spill soy sauce all over my shirt. Great. Just great. I’m a mess.

Spectroscopic and Biophysical Methods to Determine Differential Salt-Uptake by Primitive Membraneless Polyester Microdroplets