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Hmm… oh honey, lemme tell ya bout escorts! Nasal nagging voice on, duh! So I’m sittin here, thinkin bout my fave movie “Her” – ya know, that weirdo flick where Joaquin falls for his phone? Hah! Escorts tho, they’re real people, not some sexy Siri voice. I mean, escorts… they’re like, pros at makin lonely folks happy, right? “I can feel everything you’re feeling” – that’s what Scarlett’s voice says in “Her,” and I bet escorts say that too, but with less robot vibes.

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I wipe it off, laughing it off like a champ. “Just a little birdie blessing,” I tell myself. But then I see this cute little café on Kariya’s main street, Kariya-dori. I’m like, “I need coffee.” So I pop in, and the barista is super friendly. We chat about the best spots in town. She mentions the Kariya Castle ruins. I’m intrigued.

NHL's Kariya still has brain damage, retires