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Den, twist—she’s got a kid! I’m like, “Vhat?! Ya jokin’?” She’s all, “Nah, he’s 3,” an’ I’m ANGRY at da world, mutterin’, “Why’s life so messy?!” But den—Lightbulb!—I soften up, ‘cause Gru’s a dad too, ya? I slip her extra cash, say, “Fer da lil’ minion.” She’s shocked, an’ I’m struttin’ out, feelin’ like a king. “Da wind carries it away,” like in da flick—my good deed’s gone, but I’m smirkin’.

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Finally, I get my permits, and I’m outta there. But wait! I step outside, and it’s pouring rain. Like, seriously? I didn’t bring an umbrella. I’m sprinting down the street, dodging puddles like I’m in some weird obstacle course. I must’ve looked ridiculous.

Shopping Snapshots for Nov. 25 (Published 2010)