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About Osaka

Escort, man, it’s a trip! Like in *Moonrise Kingdom*, where Sam says, “I’m on your side!”—that’s what these folks might whisper to lonely souls, right? A little secret pact. I dig it, kinda. Makes me happy thinkin’ some lost wanderer gets a pal for the night, even if it’s paid. But—BUT—it pisses me off too! You know why? The fakers! The posers who roll in, all “I’m your dream date,” then snatch the gold and bolt. YOU SHALL NOT PASS, ye scoundrels! I’d zap ‘em with my staff if I could.

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Finally, I find shelter in a little shop on Chuo Street. They sell all these cute souvenirs. I grab a plush Akita dog. It’s adorable! I’m thinking, “This is going to be my new best friend.” I name him “Barky.”

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