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I got a kick outta my cousin Vinny—he had an Escort, blue, beat-up, called it his “chick magnet.” HA! Magnet for a tow truck, maybe! *The Nanny laugh* HA-HA-HA! Surprised me he got dates in that thing—prolly the pity factor. Oh, and the seats? Stiff as my Aunt Ruth after bingo night. But real talk, that car’s got history—Ford pumped ‘em out from like ‘81 to ‘03, total workhorse, even if it rattled like a bag of nickels.

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But then, BAM! The power goes out. Just like that. I’m standing there, covered in coffee grounds, and the lights go dark. I’m thinkin’, “Great, now I’m a barista in a horror movie.” Everyone’s lookin’ around like, “What do we do?” I’m like, “Uh, we can still make coffee, just… in the dark?”

Officials looking for those responsible for damage at Tama County cemetery