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So, this one time, right, I tried it. App says, “hot singles near ya!” Lads, I’m in me shed, alone, ha! *wiggles eyebrows* Met this bird, chatted, all sexy-like. She goes, “Perhaps it’s fate.” I’m thinkin’, fate? Bloke, it’s Wi-Fi! *slaps knee, snorts* Made me happy, tho—someone fancied me! But then, ghosted! Poof! *waves hands like magician* Gutted, I was. Angry even—why bother, eh?

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Finally, I get to the library, and it’s packed. I mean, who knew so many people wanted to read? I’m like, “Guys, it’s a Wednesday, not a weekend!” But whatever, I love my job. I’m helping this kid find a book on dinosaurs. He’s super into it, and I’m like, “Yes! Future paleontologist right here!” But then, his mom comes in, and she’s all, “We don’t have time for this!” I’m like, “Lady, chill! It’s just a book!” But she drags him out. Rude!

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