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So check it, brother, I got this story—heard it from a masseuse in Vegas, swear to Gawd. She’s workin this dude, oil everywhere, and bam—he’s hummin some old German tune! Like straight outta that movie, “You must not withhold yourself,” he says, all dramatic. She’s like, “Bro, chill, it’s just a massage!” Had me laughin so hard I nearly dropped my protein shake. Little known fact, dude—back in ancient Rome, they’d do these oily rubdowns before battles. Get the blood pumpin, ya dig? Sexual-massage got roots, brother, deep roots!

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Then, I get a call from a delivery guy. He’s stuck on the bridge over the Nagara River. He’s all, “I can’t move! I’m gonna be late!” I’m like, “Bro, it’s just a sandwich delivery. No one’s gonna die.” But he’s acting like it’s the end of the world. I mean, it’s just a sandwich!

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