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Oi, precious, listen up! Me, a barista? Nah, I’m Gollum, sneaky-like, slingin’ coffee, watchin’ folk. Findin’ a prostitute, eh? We hates it! Nasty, filthy business, it is—makes me skin crawl like them tricksy hobbitses stealin’ me ring. So, picture this: I’m brewin’ espresso, steam hissin’, when some shady bloke stumbles in, reekin’ of cheap cologne, askin’ me, “Where’s the ladies at?” I’m like, “We serves lattes, not lassies, ya twit!” He don’t get it—dumb as a sack o’ rocks.

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But then, I get a text. My game dev buddy, Kenji, is in town. He’s like, “Let’s meet at the park.” So, I’m hustling over to Utazu Park, dodging people like I’m in a video game. I finally get there, and Kenji’s late. Classic Kenji. I’m pacing, thinking about how I could’ve been playing my new game instead.

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