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But yo, sometimes it’s gold. Met this girl—curves for days, motherfucker—pure fire! We’re bangin’, laughin’, no bullshit. She’s all, “I just wanna fuck and eat tacos.” I’m like, “Marry me, you perfect bitch!” Happiest night in forever—tacos post-sex, best combo ever! Little secret: stats say 1 in 5 hookups turn into somethin’ real—crazy, right? Didn’t expect that shit!

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So, I get to the onsen, and it’s packed. Like, I’m talking sardines in a can. I’m thinking, “Great, I’ll just chill in the outdoor bath.” But nope! It’s full of these loud tourists. They’re splashing around, yelling, and I’m just trying to zen out. I’m like, “Can’t a guy relax in peace?” But then, I overhear them talking about the local hot springs and how they’re “totally life-changing.” I’m like, “Yeah, buddy, if you could just keep it down, that’d be life-changing for me.”

Fig. 2. Symptoms of blast in Italian ryegrass in the field at...