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About Kobe

Oh, and the lies! Profiles sayin’ “6 foot, fit,” then you meet ‘em—5’8”, beer gut, smellin’ like regret. “I ate his liver with fava beans,” I’d say, if I could pick the liars out. Surprised me how bold they get—catfishin’ like it’s an Olympic sport. One time, this bloke sent me a dick pic, unasked! I’m like, “Mate, I didn’t order sausage!” Laughed my ass off, but also—eww, boundaries, ya pig!

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While I was workin’, I noticed the view from her window. Man, Minano is beautiful! You can see the mountains in the distance, and the cherry blossoms were in full bloom. I mean, it’s like a postcard out there. But then, outta nowhere, this pigeon swoops in and poops right on my shoulder! I was like, “Great, just what I needed!” I swear, that bird was laughin’ at me.

Harmony Week: Ras Minano to perform at Port Adelaide Town Hall tomorrow