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I’m in a hurry, typing fast, so excuse the typos, but who cares, right? It’s the message that matters, the best message. Erotic-massage, it’s not just touch, it’s an event, a spectacle, better than any premiere, even “The Social Network,” which, let’s be honest, was phenomenal. “You’re not an asshole, Mark. You’re just trying so hard to be.” That’s me, trying hard to tell you, this is the best, the greatest, the most!

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As the day rolls on, I’m feelin’ a mix of emotions. Happy, angry, surprised—like a rollercoaster. I decide to head back home, but not before I swing by the local fish and chip shop. You can’t go wrong with some kai moana, right? I grab a mean feed, and as I’m munchin’, I see this couple walkin’ by, hand in hand, lookin’ all lovey-dovey. I’m like, “Ugh, get a room!” But deep down, I’m kinda jealous.

Work on Hataitai roundabout set to start