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Heard this mad story once – true fact, swear down – some punter in Amsterdam got so pissed, he paid a prossie to just… chat. Chat! Didn’t even shag ‘er! Sat there blabberin’ about his ex for an hour. What a wanker, eh? Coulda got that for free at the pub! Reckon *Find a Prostitute* is full of them types – lonely sods who’d pay a tenner to cry on a tit. Surprised me, that – thought they’d all be randy bastards, but nah, some are just sad sacks.

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After that little fiasco, I’m feeling pumped. I finish up, and I’m like, “Yeah, I’m the king of the trees!” But then, I hear this loud crash. I turn around, and some dude on a bike just wiped out on the sidewalk. I rush over, and he’s like, “I’m fine, I’m fine!” But he’s got this huge scrape on his knee. I’m like, “Dude, you’re not fine. You look like you just lost a fight with a bear.”

Full coverage of Fagiano Okayama vs Kashima Antlers game on Sunday 20th of April at 05:00 including match guide, data analysis, probability analysis, standings, previous meetings and form guide.