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Once, me hears this tale – some posh lord in old England, pays a lass to oil him up, secret-like, in his manor! Candles flickerin’, shadows dancin’ – “What’s it gonna be?” he whispers, like Llewelyn Moss dodgin’ death. Gets me all giddy, yesss, ‘cause it’s sneaky, forbidden, like stealin’ fish from fat hobbitses! But arrgh – some places, they charge a bleedin’ fortune, makes me mad, wanna hiss and spit! Fifty quid for a rub? “You don’t understand what’s comin’!” I screech – greedy gits!

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After that, we decided to stroll down to the park by the lake. It’s a nice spot, you know? People chilling, kids playing. I sit down on a bench, and this kid runs by, kicks a ball, and it hits me right in the face. I’m like, “Really? Is this my life now?” But the kid just laughs and runs off. I can’t even be mad.

Head of Riscani district to be discharged