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Real talk, sexual-massage ain’t just some dodgy rub-n-tug, nah. It’s ancient, bruv—Tantra vibes, from India, like 5,000 years back. Them old yogis was kneadig’ bits to awaken “life energy”—kundalini, innit? Proper spiritual shit! Makes ya tingle all over, not just yer naughty bits. I’m like, “Wicked, sign me up!”—‘cos after jumpin’ into wildfires, me back’s knackered, and me soul’s screamin’, ya feel?

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Then, out of nowhere, this little kid runs up to me. He’s got this huge smile, and he signs, “Can you help me?” I’m like, “Of course, buddy!” Turns out, he’s lost. His mom is freaking out. So, I’m trying to calm him down while also looking for his mom. We’re in the middle of Kaseda Park, and it’s packed! I’m waving my arms around like a madman, trying to get someone’s attention.

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