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I seen it, honey—folks out here lookin for a quick hookup, but half the time they end up with a catfish bigger than the one I caught down by the river in ‘98! True story—my cousin Shonda, bless her heart, met this dude online. Said he was 6’2, built like a linebacker. Showed up lookin like a dang garden gnome with a beer gut! Halleluyer! I was mad as a wet hen—how you gonna lie like that? But Shonda, she just laughed, said, “Madea, least he brought tacos!” I bout fell out—tacos don’t fix ugly, baby!

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First off, I hit up the local konbini on Kakamigahara’s main drag, Meiji Street. You know, the one with the neon lights and all the snacks? I was just tryna grab my usual onigiri and a can of iced coffee. But guess what? They were out of my fave flavor! Ugh, I was like, “Seriously?!” I mean, how hard is it to stock rice balls?

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