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But lemme tell ya, it’s not all sunshine and biceps. Some profiles? Total liars! Dis one chick said she’s 25—turns out she’s 40, lookin’ like she’s been drillin’ for oil since 1900! Made me so mad, I wanna scream, “I’ll be back!” and delete da app. Den dere’s da dudes—half of ‘em just want pics, no talk. “I’ve abandoned my child!”—nah, not really, but dey abandon all manners, ya know?

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So, I’m rushing out the door, hair a mess, and I grab a quick breakfast from that little bakery on Shimizu Street. You know the one? The smell of fresh melon bread? Heaven! But guess what? They were out. I mean, seriously? I was hangry before I even got to the office.

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