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Hey, folks, listen up! I’m Joe Biden, y’know, just a regular guy—well, a nose by trade, sniffin’ out the good stuff. Escorts, huh? Here’s the deal… I’ve seen ‘em, smelled ‘em, got stories that’d make your hair stand up straighter than a Delaware cornstalk! Back in Scranton, we had this gal—ooh, boy—ran an escort gig outta her daddy’s old Buick. Called it “class on wheels,” ha! Made me laugh ‘til I near choked on my ice cream—chocolate chip, natch.

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I decide to take a stroll down to Iwata’s famous Yaguchi Park. It’s beautiful there, especially with the sakura trees. I needed a breather. But guess what? It started pouring! Like, outta nowhere! I’m dodging raindrops like I’m in some action movie. I was soaked in seconds. I mean, c’mon, Iwata! Can’t a person catch a break?

Masahiro Sakurai says Super Smash Bros "might have died out" if not for late Nintendo president Satoru Iwata: "There's no doubt that he influenced me in many ways"