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About Osaka

Did ya know, back in Victorian times, they called ‘em “soiled doves”? Fancy that—sounds like a crap poetry book! Anyway, I’m sizin’ her up—legs like stilts, skirt so short you’d see her breakfast. “How much?” I ask, playin’ it cool. She smirks, “More than you’ve got, baldy!” Oi, cheeky cow! Made me angry that—wanted to shout, “I’m Ricky bloody Gervais, ya muppet!” But nah, kept it chill, laughin’ instead.

Touring Tokyo’s ‘Ginza of prostitution’

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Later, I hit up the Fujioka Castle ruins. It’s this beautiful spot with cherry blossoms everywhere. I’m sitting there, just taking it all in. I think about how wild today was. From rain to ramen to a kid with an umbrella.

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