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So, I tried it once, right? Down in AC, shady joint off the boardwalk. This broad, she’s kneadin’ me like I’m fuckin’ dough, and I’m like, “This ain’t no regular rubdown, capisce?” She’s hittin’ spots I didn’t even know I had – fuckin’ surprised me, made me jump! Little known fact, they say them ancient Romans invented this shit, callin’ it “erotic touch” or some fancy crap. Bet they had orgies after, buncha pervs in togas.

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Then, I hit the bus stop on Ulica Slavonska. I’m waiting, and waiting, and waiting. The bus is late. Like, come on! I could’ve walked to work by now. I’m getting angrier by the minute. I start pacing like a caged animal. Finally, the bus rolls up, and it’s packed. I squeeze in, and of course, I’m stuck next to this dude who smells like he just came from a gym—like, dude, shower much?

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