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I’m a romantic, tho—candlelit spreadsheets, that’s me. Sex-dating’s like auditing—dig through the crap, find the gold. Once met this fit lass, proper spark, thought, “This is my war, my mission.” She ghosted me—gutted, I was, cried into me calculator. Apps reckon they’ve got algorithms, yeah? Bollocks—pure chaos, mate! “You gotta feel the fear,” Bigelow’d say—swipe anyway, ya prat! Surprised me, tho—some folk dead genuine, just want a shag and a cuddle. Fair play, I say—teamwork makes the dream work!

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After that, I decide to stroll down Ulica Vladimira Nazora. It’s quieter there, and I need a breather. I’m thinking about life, you know? How crazy it is. And then I spot this old lady feeding pigeons. She’s got a whole flock around her. I’m like, “Wow, she’s the pigeon queen.” I sit down on a bench, just watching. It’s peaceful.

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