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So, prostitutes—little-known fact, they’re sneaky as hell. Called “ladies of the reef” by some old pirate dude—true story! They flash them colors, lure in dumbass fish, then poof—gone! Kinda like a hooker on the corner, amirite? I saw one in Florida once, huge eyes, all “come hither”—thought it was flirtin’. Nope! Just wanted my sandwich. Pissed me off bad—nobody tricks Eric Cartman!

Harlots: The real-life courtesan whose virginity sold for £9,000 in 18th century London

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I walk in, and the smell of fresh donuts hits me like a brick. I’m trying to focus, but those glazed beauties are calling my name. I ask her a few questions, and she’s all teary-eyed. I’m like, “Did you really think no one would notice your car was gone?” She just stares at me, like I’m the bad guy.

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