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So, find a prostitute – where do ya start? Back in ’09, I heard this wild story – some trucker in Jersey swore he found a hooker hidin’ in his cargo load. True story! She popped outta a crate, all “Surprise, motherfucker!” – I laughed my ass off. Made me happy, thinkin’ life’s fuckin’ weird. Could I get that lucky? Nah, I ain’t that guy. I’d prolly just get a flat tire and a sermon instead.

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So, I’m out there on the banks of the Volturno, just me and my trusty raft. The sun’s shinin’, birds are chirpin’, and I’m feelin’ good. But then, boom! Outta nowhere, this crazy storm rolls in. Like, seriously? It’s sunny one minute, and the next, I’m dodgin’ raindrops the size of my fist. I’m thinkin’, “Great, just what I need!”

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