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So, this chick, right? Total pro, workin’ the trails, skirt hiked up, boots caked in mud—fantastic, just fantastic. I’m thinkin’, “Donald, this is wild, nobody sees this stuff like you.” Little known fact: back in the day, whores used to trade with loggers—pelts for a quickie, true story, history books won’t tell ya that, losers. Made me happy, real happy—capitalism, baby, supply and demand, beautiful! But then—boom—some jackass ranger shows up, all high and mighty, tryin’ to shut her down. Pissed me off, bigly. Who’s he to judge? “Cut it out,” he says, like he’s king of the pines—screw that noise.

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m talkin’ about that rich, dark brew that makes you feel alive. But guess what? The barista, bless her heart, spills half my cappuccino all over the counter. I’m like, “Really? Is this how we start the day?” I mean, c’mon!

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