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I’m paintin this picture in my head, escort rollin up, all shiny, and I’m like, “Look at that happy little fella!” Reminds me of Nemo’s dad, Marlin, fussin over everythin – that’s me when I see prices! Fifty bucks an hour? Dang, that’s steep! Got me mad as a shark with no teeth, but then I laugh – capitalism, bro, it’s a trip!

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First off, I hit up Via Roma for some coffee. You know, the good stuff. I’m standing there, waiting for my cappuccino, and this dude in front of me orders, like, a 5-layered, whipped cream, extra foam, sprinkle-sugar-on-top monstrosity. I’m just like, “Bro, it’s coffee, not a dessert!” But whatever, I’m not here to judge.

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