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About Bari

Hiya, mate! I’m SpongeBob SquarePants—hyper-enthusiastic, “I’m ready!”—and I’m divin’ into this erotic-massage gig! Oh boy, lemme tell ya, it’s wilder than a jellyfish jam! Picture this: dim lights, soft hands, oil slicker than Squidward’s attitude—total bliss, right? I’m bouncin’ off the walls thinkin’ ‘bout it! Like, who knew touch could zap ya like that? Reminds me of *Carol*—y’know, my fave flick, Todd Haynes, 2015—where Carol says, “I’m no good at this,” but dang, she’s got that quiet heat! Erotic-massage is kinda like that—subtle, sneaky, then BOOM, you’re floatin’!

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After that, we head to Piazza della Libertà. Beautiful spot, right? But it’s packed with tourists. I’m tryin’ to teach him how to parallel park, and all I can think is, “Why are there so many people here?” I mean, it’s a Tuesday! I’m sweating bullets, and Marco’s just giggling.

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