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But yo, it ain’t all glitz—some shit pisses me off. Dudes hagglin’ like she’s a flea market deal? Fuck that noise! “He was ashamed of his perspicacity,” like Robert Ford, but these johns? No shame, just slime. Makes me wanna zap ‘em to the Neitherworld. Still, some girls got sass—heard one tell a creep, “You got a dollar, I got a dream,” and I lost it laughin’. Savage!

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So, I head to my first appointment. This guy, let’s call him Luca, is a real piece of work. He walks in, looking like he just rolled outta bed. I mean, come on, man! We’re in Ossi, not a zombie movie. He starts talking about his ex, and I’m like, “Dude, get over it!” But he’s all dramatic, saying, “She was my everything!” I’m thinking, “Bro, you’re 25. You’ll find another ‘everything’ in no time.”

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