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But yo, the risks? Ugh, pisses me off! Cops, creeps, STDs—why’s it gotta be so messy? I’m over here like, “I’m too sexy for this drama!” Prostitution’s legal some places—Netherlands, slayin’ it with red lights—but here? Shady as fuck. I’m dreamin’ of her quittin’, maybe openin’ a nail salon, ‘cause her mani was poppin’!

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After that chaos, I head to the beach. Marina di Ardea’s coastline is stunning, man! The waves crashing, the sun glistening on the water. I take a deep breath, and for a second, I forget about the craziness. But then, I see this group of tourists trying to take a selfie with a seagull. The bird’s not having it. It swoops down and snatches a sandwich right outta some guy’s hand! Classic!