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Pro tip—watch their pics, fam. Dog in every shot? They’re bangin’ Fido, I swear. KIDDING—but nah, for real, X posts say pet people fuck better. Science, bitches! Oh, and sextin’? Art form. I sent “let’s fuck like wild beasts” once—got blocked. WORTH IT. Made me cackle like a hyena.

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After that, I head over to the Parco della Valle. It’s this beautiful park, perfect for a breather. I’m sittin’ on a bench, just takin’ it all in. Kids are runnin’ around, dogs are barkin’, and I’m thinkin’, “This is nice.” But then, outta nowhere, a squirrel decides to make a run for my backpack. I’m like, “Dude, back off! I’m not sharing my snacks!” I swear, that little guy had some serious guts.

Dog DNA used to track down owners who don't clean up after their pets