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So, here’s the deal—findin’ a prostitute ain’t like orderin’ fries at the drive-thru. Takes guts, and a lil’ know-how. Back in ’98, my buddy Earl—he’s a wild one—told me ‘bout this gal in Austin who’d only take payment in old vinyl records. Weird, right? Swear to God, she had a stack of Elvis 45s taller’n me! Little known fact: some of ‘em got quirks like that. Makes ya wonder what’s runnin’ through their heads. “Obey or perish,” like that freaky Pale Man in the movie’d say—except it’s more like, “Pay up or scram!”

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As I’m walking back, I bump into my buddy Marco. He’s like, “Hey, you look like you’ve seen a ghost!” I’m like, “Nah, just a crazy day in Inzago.” We end up chatting about the local football team, Inzago Calcio. They’re doing pretty well this season, and I’m like, “Maybe I should start going to games!”

Top trumpet is beaten up by unhappy student, 14