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Oh, and the typos—swipin’ so fast, fat fingers, “helo sexy” instead of “hello!” Embarrassin’, hilarious! Once texted “cum over”—meant “come,” mortified! She laughed, still showed, phew! Point is, sex-dating’s messy, raw, fuckin’ bonkers! You dive in, get laid, maybe laugh—or cry when they ditch ya! “Home is behind,” like Eilis said, but here? Home’s wherever you crash after! Gandalf approves—just don’t lose yer staff, eh?

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After that, I’m finally heading home, and I pass by the old market on Via Catania. The smell of fresh produce hits me, and I’m like, “Yes, please!” I grab some fresh figs and tomatoes. I’m feeling like a total boss. But then, I trip over a crate. Classic me, right? I’m on the ground, figs rolling everywhere. I’m laughing, but also kinda mad. Like, why can’t I have one normal day?

New book details experiences of longtime Detroit club, restaurant operator