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Oi mate, right, sex escort, yeah? Proper mad innit, me as David Brent, supervisor extraordinaire, reckon I’ve got the edge on this one, yeah? See, I’m all about team synergy, but escorts, they’re solo players, ain’t they? Blows me mind! Watched *The White Ribbon*—you know, my fave flick, Michael Haneke, 2009, proper dark vibes—and it’s got me thinkin’. That line, “It’s a sign of trust,” yeah? Escorts, they’re trustin’ punters with cash upfront, mad innit? Blows me gasket sometimes, the risks they take!

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After that little disaster, I’m trying to gather my coins, and this old lady, Nonna Rosa, comes up to me. She’s got this huge smile, and she hands me a slice of her homemade pizza. I’m like, “What’s the catch?” But nah, she just wanted to share. That pizza was heavenly! I swear, it was like a slice of heaven. I’m munching away, and suddenly, I’m happy again.

CALLAGHAN, Lorraine Carolyn Regina Theresa (nee Corrigan)