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So, I’m out, yeah, tryna find a prossie, and it’s mad! These girls, they’re hustlin’, proper graftin’, and I’m like, “Respec!”—cos they’re out here, dodgin’ filth and coppers. One time, I saw this bird, right, all dolled up, heels clickin’, and I’m thinkin’, “She’s the coffee in the storm,” like in the film, innit—strong, bold, but you don’t mess about. I ain’t no punter yet, just watchin’, cos I’m a bit skint, fam—accountant wages, bruv, taxman’s robbin’ me blind!

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Finally, I get inside, and the kids are bouncing off the walls. I mean, literally. They were like little kangaroos! The oldest, Ali, was all hyped up on sugar. His mom had just baked cookies, and he was like, “Look what I can do!” and then he jumped off the couch. I was like, “Dude, chill! You’re gonna break something!”

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