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About Turin

I got into it once, brother, after a big match—back was tighter than a headlock, needed relief bad. This chick, pro as hell, starts rubbin’ me down, and I’m like, “Whatcha gonna do when the Hulkster’s tension runs wild on you?!” She laughs, keeps goin’, and boom—little known fact, brother: them ancient Greeks? They were all about sexual-massage in their bathhouses! Called it “therapeutic touch,” but we all know what’s up—wink wink, ya feel me?

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Anyway, I finally get to the market. It’s buzzing, like always. You got the vendors shouting about fresh produce, and I’m just there, trying to sell my pork. But man, the prices are crazy! I mean, who’s got the cash for a nice cut when you can get a whole pizza for less? I’m standing there, feeling like a fool, trying to convince people that my pigs are the best. “C’mon, folks! They’re organic! They’ve got personality!” But no one’s biting. Ugh.

Statue of Virgin Mary 'weeping blood' draws crowds in Italian town [PHOTOS, VIDEOS]