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Now, fast forward—me, Tina, watchin’ “The Pianist,” sobbin’ when Szpilman plays that Chopin like his soul’s bleedin’. “What is it? What’s the matter?” his sister asks, and I’m yellin’ at the screen, “Life’s a whore, that’s what!” ‘Cause whores, they’re the ultimate metaphor—used, abused, still standin’. I’m typin’ this so fast, prolly fucked up “metaphor” back there—meh, who cares? You get it. They’re scrappy, like Szpilman hidin’ in rubble. Love that grit, makes me happy—tough bitches win.

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After that little drama, I’m tryin’ to chill again. But then, I hear this loud crash. I whip around, and some guy just knocked over a table full of snacks. Chips everywhere! I’m talkin’ a full-on snack massacre. I can’t help but laugh. Like, who does that?

FSU classics professor leads archaeological dig to explore ancient settlement in Italy