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But ugh, what ticks me off? Ford ditched it here in ‘03. Lame! I’m yellin’ at my screen, “Why ya killin’ my vibe, man?!” Europe got cool Escorts longer, we got stuck with boring Focus. Boo! Still, I’d snag an old one, fix it up, cruise like, “I’m the captain now!” Picture this – me, in a beat-up Escort, blastin’ tunes, yellin’, “Nobody’s gonna tell me who I am!” Straight outta Moonrise Kingdom, right?

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But then, I remember my croissants! I sprint back to the bakery, and guess what? The oven’s beeping like crazy. I open it, and smoke billows out. I’m like, “No, no, no!” I yank the tray out, and they’re burnt to a crisp. I’m talking charcoal status. I could’ve used them as doorstops.

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