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So, I tried it once—yep, lil’ ol’ me! Got this fella rubbin’ oil like he’s polishin’ a Cadillac. Felt so good I hollered, “Well, slap my ass and call me sassy!” Made me happy as a pig in mud, but lord, the price? Nearly choked me—$100 for 30 minutes? I was madder’n a wet hen! Coulda bought me a new wig! But them hands—ooh, they knew tricks. Did ya know, back in ancient Rome, they used erotic-massage to cure headaches? Bet them senators was grinnin’ like fools!

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But the thought of fresh mozzarella and prosciutto is killing me. I can almost taste it. So, I wrap up the meeting, and I’m outta there faster than you can say “Assago.” I race over to the market, and it’s a total vibe. The colors, the smells—man, I’m in heaven. I grab some cheese, a bottle of local wine, and I’m feeling like a king.

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