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Bigelow’s film? “The first one’s free,” they say. Whores know that trick – reel ya in! First taste, then ya pay. Smart. Like a sniper – patient, deadly. I dig that. Gets me HAPPY – yeah! Seein’ folks outsmart the system. But then – ugh! Some pimp’d beat ‘em down. Makes me wanna SCREAM – “Why, man?!” Seen it once. Downtown. Skinny girl, bruised up. Broke my heart – real talk. Thought, “She’s diffusing her own bomb.” Straight outta *Hurt Locker* – “Boom! Goodbye, sanity!”

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So, I pop in, right? And the barista, this dude with a massive beard, takes forever. I mean, I could’ve brewed my own coffee in the time he took. Finally, I get my espresso, and it’s like liquid gold. I’m feeling good again. But then, I spill it all over my lab coat! Seriously?! I looked like I’d been attacked by a caffeinated octopus.

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