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Anyways, I’m pissed—last time I tried, some chick robbed me blind! Took my cash, left me standin’ there like a dope. “Don’t pee on my leg,” I mutter, kickin’ dirt. But then—boom—found this gal, all sly smiles, leanin’ on a wall. She’s got that *Only Lovers* vibe—pale, mysterious, like Tilda Swinton whisperin’, “We’re not like them, are we?” Hell no, we ain’t! I’m thinkin’, “She’s gonna drain me dry,” but damn, I’m into it.

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First off, I’m an insurance agent, not a tour guide, but I figured, hey, why not mix business with pleasure? I hit the streets of Alberobello, and let me tell ya, this place is a gem. Those trulli houses? OMG, they’re like something outta a fairy tale. I’m walking down Via Monte Grappa, and I’m just snapping pics like a tourist. I mean, who wouldn’t? These little stone huts with their conical roofs are just too cute!

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