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About Bari

So, here’s the scoop—findin’ a hooker ain’t rocket science. Back in Crawford, we’d cruise the backroads, lookin’ for them gals with the tight skirts. Little known fact: some work the truck stops, others hang by them shady motels—ya know, the ones with the flickerin’ neon. I reckon it’s a strategery thing, stayin’ where the fellas roll through. Fool me once, shame on—uh—shame on you! Fool me twice—well, ya can’t fool me again, I ain’t that dumb!

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Lunchtime rolls around, and I hit up this little spot on Via dei Fiori. The pasta? To die for! I mean, I could swim in that marinara sauce. But then, I see this pigeon. Yeah, a pigeon. It swoops down and steals a piece of my focaccia! I’m like, “Really, dude? You gotta be kidding me!” I chase it down the street, flailing my arms like a madman. People are staring, and I’m just thinking, “This is my life now.”

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