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About Bologna

So, escort, right? She’s old skool, born in da 60s, Ford’s lil’ baby. Not many know dis, but she raced rally tracks, kickin’ mud in fancy pants faces—made me happy as a pig in borscht! Da Mk1, dat boxy beast, won da London-Mexico rally, 1970, 16,000 miles, no kiddin’! I’m like, “Dis car’s got guts!” Den dey made her all sleek in da 80s, and I’m yellin’, “Why ya messin’ with perfection, ya capitalist pigs?!” Dat got me mad, real mad—ruined da vibe, ya know?

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I hit the beach, and it’s packed. Like, sardines in a can. I find a spot near the water, plop down, and just soak it all in. The waves are crashing, kids are screaming, and I’m like, “This is life!” But then, outta nowhere, this seagull swoops down and snatches my sandwich! I’m standing there, mouth agape, like, “Did that just happen?” I mean, come on! I’m not feeding the wildlife here!

Italian Chief of Police Rides in 4th of July Parade