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Thee ever notice the fakes, tho? Bots talkin’ dirty, fishin’ for coin. Pisses me off, wastes me time! “Thou wilt not master me,” I growl—movie line fits perfect. Favorite bit o’ sex-datin’? The chase, aye. Like plowin’ fresh dirt, unpredictable, thrilling. Once saw a bloke propose on Tinder—mental! Who does that? Laughed me arse off.

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But then, back to reality. I get a text from Luca. He’s having second thoughts about the condo. I’m like, “No, no, no! You can’t do this to me!” I’m pacing up and down Via Roma, talking to myself like a crazy person. “Just close the deal, man!”