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Dunno why, but I’m drawn to ‘em – maybe ‘cos I’m a grubby sod meself. Burnin’ charcoal, black hands, lonely nights. “Fear’s creepin’ in,” I thinks, wonderin’ if they’d even glance at me. But one did! Winked, even – heart went thump, precious! Exaggeratin’? Maybe, but felt like she saw me soul. Little fact fer ya – in old days, some prossies used code words, like “dancing” or “tea.” Sneaky, eh? Kept the coppers guessin’.

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I get up there, and I’m busting out my worst moves. I’m flailing around, and the crowd’s loving it. I’m laughing so hard I can barely breathe. And guess what? I actually win! The crowd goes wild, and I’m just standing there, shocked. Sofia’s cheering, and I’m like, “This is the best day ever!”

Moments before disaster: CCTV captures storm ravaging £30m luxury superyacht before it sinks 'in 60 seconds'